Leaving behind decades of decadence

Well, it’s been more than a year since my last post on my site and without a doubt, a lot of personal events and world events have happened since then. Some are still unfurling around me as I type these words. Anyone who is reading this has been touched by a world event, whether it was COVID-19 or the BLM movement. Isn’t it strange that a pandemic & injustice are two causes that are uniting us all? Are we finally seeing  & acknowledging that we may have spent decades in decadence and not voicing out our concerns and fighting for an equal world? Or we may have ignored the ones who’ve been fighting all these years?

As a generation going forward are we going to make this upcoming decade and decades to come a fecund of new possibilities? 

Many open questions, yet these questions have an overwhelming answer of ‘Yes’, and if you think otherwise then I believe you’re on the wrong side of history in the making. This of course is a personal opinion but having been educated more than ever on the injustices caused to people of colour in this world, to understanding how fragile our world is to a virus invisible to the eye, I cannot possibly think neglecting all this is an option. Even if it was an option, taking that option isn’t doing justice to a better future.

With a global recession imminent and fights for reforms of brutality and equality being called out around the world, all of this naturally takes a toll on the future outlook and our mental outlook into life. Most of us hopefully have realised the perils of being stuck indoors and most importantly the perils of not speaking up for justice. Some have thrived. Some have caught up on lost time with family. Some have missed family & friends. Some have heightened anxiety levels. Some have been sacred. Some have been winding down. Regardless of which ‘some’ you belong in, fundamentally we have all been made to think twice about the life that has been given to us, the way we have lived it so far and the way we intend to live it in the future. You and I are both involved in this introspection about how we conduct ourselves going forward, even if you believe that you may remain the same individual – well the world around you has indefinitely changed, and positive change is good for not just yourself but the society too.

“Consistency is the playground of dull minds.”

The biggest challenge for me has been dealing with my mental health throughout the pandemic. As I was navigating my way through it all, from being fatigued of looking at the death tolls to doing repetitive tasks to finding creative ways to keep my self occupied, it all eventually took a toll. As I was reeling in the effects of it all came the horrifying video of George Perry Floyd Jr‘s murder. The world was ignited, I looked at myself in shame. Over the years as an individual who had been affected by racism and even at times passing comments with my coloured & white friends with regards to race on to others in the name of a joke, I couldn’t help but feel angry at myself. Without sounding plaintive, I’d like to believe this was a wake up call for all of us, especially the South Asian community.

Black squares showed our solidarity. Active education has shown our solidarity and is continuing to do so. I think it’s our moral responsibility as citizens of the world to speak about topics that matter, even if that means looking at your insouciant self in the mirror and telling yourself that change needs to come from within. We may not be perfect at it, we may slip up, I know I certainly have in the past. But the fact of the matter is when the sun leaks through again, you have to patch the roof for rain.

Life is never going to be a piece of cake, mind you, but the recipe is our own to fool with. So let’s endeavour as the millennial generation to forever fight for change in this uncertain, unpredictable world that we live in.

Living and breathing.

Sometimes we get lost in life that we forget to do the things we once used to love. I guess that could be my reasoning for not writing anything in my blog for the past year and a half. Not that I did not travel nor did I have a year of learnings but still writing about travel just did not occur. Am I going to search for a structure to adhere so I can keep you interested in what I am going to write on here? All for what? A stat on my post. Does that make me feel better? if it does, is that really permanent? so no and fuck it.

So no there will be no structure, no agenda, no frills (maybe the way I want my life to be).

I am sure we all have the million dollar question about where is our life going on a daily basis and for those who don’t, well kudos to you and I am happy for you. It’s been a year and a half of ups and downs, however despite it all, I have a constant question in my head which constantly repeats itself and it goes something like this – ‘Am I supposed to be where I am in life, am I supposed to have somethings figured out by now?‘ . I believe it’s quite natural to have such thoughts in your 20s and beyond.

When we are kids we face struggles which now we look back on and think, how nice would it be to have those issues again/have those worries again? Instead of the worries, we have now? Isn’t it ironic we are hoping for lesser struggles that we encountered at one point in our lives instead of embracing our lives right now?

Am I going to instruct you to close your eyes sit in silence and meditate and thing about life balance? No, download headspace from the app store for all that jazz.

Does the above not apply to you? Well, my dear friend, I am happy for you. I am exuberantly ecstatic for your happy life. But for the rest who are navigating through life like I am, male and female alike. Well sincerely welcome to this outburst of rambles. Now I am sounding like a crazy person? Maybe, maybe not. Yes, I am crazy about life and the endless possibilities, being nice to everyone even if people shit on you, being apologetic to people I’ve hurt and making amends, I am crazy about being who I am even when everything’s falling apart! So yes consider me a bit crazy.

When I was at uni I thought okay let me get through this degree, life is gonna be rosy. When I left I thought let me get a job and all will be well. Here I am 27 and an engineer (slyly putting my bio here saving my parents the arranged marriage trouble) with somewhat a good life with millions of thoughts racing through my head yet there are days where I don’t know where I am going with life. Constantly looking at friends or social friends and seeing them move on with their life (getting married, settling down etc). Which makes me think like am I progressing? or have I stood still in time and everybody else is on some back to the future car getting the f out of the present! Well, they are not they are just doing life on their own terms. I am doing mine on my terms – this damn thought is so hard to grasp. I am not perfect at it, out of the 30 days in a month if I feel like I’ve got my shit together for half of them then I consider it a good month. Even if it not it’s okay, I will just have an explosion of thoughts surround myself with positive people. If it all doesn’t help take a walk and be happy about the shit I have in my life like a family, good friends, education and a job.

We are so convoluted in thoughts that define us based on how successful someone is that I feel like we have more bad days than we need to in a month or a year or whatever. Negativity comes back up quickly if I let them, but I’ve just got better at keeping them down and I am still working on it and that’s the truth for most of us isn’t it? even if we share ‘look its all sunflowers in my life’ posts on social media. we do that because not only do we educate others but its also a reminder to us life isn’t bad and it doesn’t need to be as bad as it was nor does it need to be in the future.

Should you continue reading this? Well, I am no self-help guru. I am just a normal guy going through life. Even though the term normal guy is something I am going to avoid saying because in this life if everybody is equal, then I am just a normal human being trying to get my life through different stages so I can have a better life for myself and wish for a better life for everyone else around me. So let’s do life on our own terms, let’s make mistakes, let’s learn from the hurt we’ve caused others, let’s learn from the hurt others have given to us and most importantly just live each day as we want to.